The Geek Beat: A Myth Wrapped in a Legend Shrouded in a Potato

A Geek Beat One-Shot: Maybe he's Caught in the Legend...

Rex Quondam, Rexque Futurus. 

Nope, dear reader, don't go jumping to any crazy conclusions. That's not The Geek Beat humbly apologising for skipping a week whilst cunningly using Latin to make our apology sound a little more classy. It isn't even some ancient crone-like-soothsayer's dire warning delivered through muddled prophecies and puzzling riddles - for that particular job we have Met Weather and they do a great job of making no sense when it comes to predictions (where is the sun by the way - isn't it supposed to be July? How can it be hot enough to melt the polar icecaps and yet not be warm enough in the UK to merit a frappuccino?).

The answer to my parenthetical iced beverage-based question is of course that Britain is a special place. Not only do we have our own meteorological conditions that defy all laws known to man (with the amount of water that falls from the sky each year we should all be living in some underwater Atlantean rainforest, but rainforest conditions would require a bit of sun and there's precious little chance of that...) but we're also an island and a small one at that as Bill Bryson once famously pointed out. The maximum length of America's largest lake isn't that much smaller than the entire length of our whole nation; if Sean Connery and his band of Scottish loyalists had succeeded earlier this year, Scotland would have left the Union (thus making James Bond the biggest defector of all time), the length of our diminutive nation would have diminished to something approaching the size of that lake. No bigger than an American lake. Bet the Scottish Nationalists didn't take that into consideration when they thought about ditching us.

 

Defector? Codswallop! 007 and Her Majesty have been pals since forming the Tuesday Night Basejumping Club back in 2012.

Anyhoo, the point I'm trying to make is that here in Britain we're very much an island and in a lot of ways we still have that island mentality. You only have to look at the British media's obssession (and therefore, our obssession) with migrants and asylum seekers to see that to some extent, there's still an attitude of (*engage thick, rural West Country accent*) we don't like strangers around here; our ongoing in/out relationship with Europe is another example of our inherent suspicion when it comes to other countries. Where am I going with this? Not entirely sure yet - forgive my rambling and all will soon become clear enough.

I don't tend to worry about the migrant issues for a couple of reasons. The underlying irony here is that we're a mongrel nation; a historically sceptered isle of migrants: Romans, Jutes, Angles, Saxons, Normans, Vikings, the slave trade and the days of the British Empire; Poles, West Indians and Afro-Caribbeans; Asians, Africans and East Europeans: for two millennia and more Britain has been shaped by external forces - along the way we've benefited in myriad ways, from irrigation to chicken baltis. Easy win if you ask me. The other reason I don't worry? That piece of Latin at the blog's beginning translates roughly as The Once and Future King. It's talking of course about Arthur, the fabled mythological hero who united Britain during the Dark Ages against the Saxon threat and was immortalised in medieval literature. The general idea is that after being gravely wounded whilst freeing Britain from hordes of Nazi zombies (or something), he's spirited away into the magical mists of Avalon to sleep until Britain has need of him again. So, until I see with my own two eyes this legendary hero of antiquity arise from his mystical repose and soar over my head (hopefully atop a sparkly unicorn) whilst wielding his magical blade Excalibur, I'll know that Britain is doing okay.

You may scoff and say that that's a pretty ridiculous belief system and hey, you'd probably be right. However, it's no crazier than zombie sons of Gods coming back to life post-crucifixion or the alien overlord Xenu murder-bombing a load of extra-terrestrial thetans to create human life. (Scientology is utterly bananas!) 

Anyway, I digress. Arthur (let's drop the King; historians tend to agree that his sovereignty is an embellishment of later literature) is this world-renowned mythic figure, not only here in the UK but across the world. Even our American cousins whose all-conquering Hollywoodland has taught the world the values of truth, justice and the American way are lacking in immortalised mythological characters of this stature: they have the immortal Hulk Hogan and although it seems that he's been around since the Middle Ages, hitting the legdrops on all types of dastardly villains, that really isn't the case. Not many people know this but Mr. T used his A-Team construction/montage skills (there was always welding! So much welding!)to construct Hogan from some nuts,bolts a few panels of corrugated steel and a bottle of peroxide ahead of their tag team match with Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff at the first Wrestlemania.

 If you can afford to build a robo-Hogan, you can afford your own clothes T. Hit the jump to see the build.

Maybe that's why American (and therefore) global culture has become so obssessed with comic book superheroes; it's building a new mythology for the twenty-first century: replacing the yawning historical/cultural vacuum that existis pre-US culture with new heroes and adventures, new morality tales, fables and deeds of great renown.

Anyway.

Arthur. I'm writing about the guy not only because he's always interested me but because there's a new movie coming out next year featuring the legend himself. Knights of the Roundtable: King Arthur is currently in production and is set for a July 2016 release. Guy Ritchie is directing and Sons of Anarchy's Charlie Hunnam is playing the titular hero. I've long been a fan of Arthurian texts and whilst it seems to me that although he's done pretty well in literature, it's long past time that the 'Once and Future King' got an awesome movie. 

The cool thing about staging an Arthurian retelling is that there are so many angles from which to approach it, and understanding of the mythology is so replete amongst audiences that creators are free to follow or subvert as freely as they wish. This is evident in Arthurian fiction where some stories focus on the characters supposed celtic heritage; others (like Rosemary Sutcliffe's Sword at Sunset) on his purported Romanic roots. Bernard Cornwell's excellent Warlord Chronicles aim to place the tales squarely within an accurate Dark Ages Britain whereas Marion Zimmer Bradley's Avalon series is much more fantastical and feminist-centric. All are great and these are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Arthurian literature. T.H White's The Once and Future King series is next on my list; there's even the Le Morte d'Arthur if you're feeling hardcore and Mark Twain's A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court if you're not. 

Sadly, Arthur has fared less well in other media. Although he featured in a couple of half-decent RTS strategy simulations over the last few years that hasn't really ever been an amazing Arthurian video game. Capcom's 1991 Arthurian-skinned side-scroller Knights of the Round was a stirling effort in a similar vein to Golden Axe and Final Fight. It even featured a few RPGesque systems where the characters weapons and armour developed to reflect their growing status. Since then though? Very little else of quality - and when it comes to movies Camelot's Protector has struck out pretty often too. 

"Is that one of Stark's?"

Although there have been a few good Arthurian movies, there have been some pretty rank ones too. John Boorman's Excalibur (1981) is pretty good but 2004's King Arthur is a uninspired mess. Then there's Richard Gere as Lancelot and Sean Connery as Arthur in 1995's First Knight. For some reason unbeknownst to me, Connery seems to get a hard time in this blog but in fairness, he really doesn't help himself with efforts like this one. It really is as bad as it gets. As it stands, Monty Python and the Holy Grail is your best Arthurian movie, and whilst that's totally cool because it's a great film, it seems odd that there isn't a definitive re-imagining of the Arthurian legend.

And so we arrive at 2016's Knights of the Roundtable: King Arthur. The movie is set in Londinium which hints at a focus on the post-Roman civilization that Britain had become by the fifth and sixth centuries. Londinium had all but fallen into ruin and disuse by this point without the protection of the now-returned Roman Empire and perhaps this is the angle they'll go for; Cornwell certainly portrayed the city in such a way in the Warlord Chronicles and there's a writer who always strives for historical accuracy. Guy Ritchie though, isn't the sort of director who seems too bothered by anachronisms - 2011's Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows is full of them. To me, the inclusion of Londinium rather than say, Camelot or Hadrian's Wall affords Ritchie the opportunity to bring back a hallmark of his movies, the brash Cockney banter that typified his feted earlier films.  

What's this you say? Banter? Cockney? It doesn't sound very Arthurian!

Well, truth be told, it isn't. This certainly won't be one for the purists. The British director has already stated his intentions to make Arthur into a 'kickass action hero.' He also doesn't seem to be too worried about being too faithful to the Arthurian mythology: raised by prostitutes and battling giant snakes, war elephants and more, this isn't going to be the loyal re-imagining that one might hope for. 

   That doesn't mean that it won't be ambitious though. Charlie Hunnam is a fine actor and has proved during his run as the lead character in Sons of Anarchy (which is essentially Hamlet on two wheels) that he can go from angst-ridden, soul-searching hero to charismatic leader to violent psycho with entertaining ease. Reports that David Beckham is getting a cameo suggest that the whole thing could be completely pop-culture referential to the point of ridiculousness, but hey - let's give it a chance. If the film is making nods to modern popular culture then I say let's have some roles for the other Sons around that famous round table. Let's see Chibs and co. in there too; maybe have them as a biker gang? Ooh, I know - let's radically change the setting... California, maybe?

Or maybe I should just go watch the last season of Sons of Anarchy.

That's all from The Geek Beat this week folks. This has been a Vertigo production.

Head back this way next week for something else... maybe an update on The ANA Project.

Until then be sure to follow me @VertigoDC but remember: I don't roll on Shabbas. Later Potatoes.