A GEEK BEAT One-Shot: They call me Mr ANT-tastic, say me fantastic, touch me in the back, she says BOOM
Written by @VertigoDC
You really can't beat a bit of Shaggy. Unless you've recently crawled out from under a very large rock, or you only listen to rock, or maybe you are a rock (Google Analytics shows me that 12% of my readership are golems) then you'll know exactly who I'm talking about. The Jamaican reggae star was king of the airwaves throughout the nineties and naughties, even achieving that zenith of hipness aspired to by so many and yet achieved by only a few: rocking the soundtrack for a 90s Levi's ad. Whilst never my particular cup of tea, I always admired the guy for being eminently likeable despite mainly singing about topics that often made him seem vain, self-obssessed and downright despicable - such as 2000's It Wasn't Me where he spends the entire song advising his buddy to flat out deny his obvious infidelity, even though his girlfriend has caught the dirty dog with his pants down in pretty much every room in the house. Unlike most friends with a single shred of decency who would baulk in disgust at the actions of a cheating pal, (Ye gods man, she caught you at it 'on the counter' you say? That's a food preparation area! Are you an animal?) Shaggy instead seemed to delight in advocating a tangled web of deceit - a smokescreen of subterfuge, lies and disinformation to confuse the poor girlfriend, emotionally fragile as she was from the revelations regarding her boyfriend's frenzied unfaithfulness. Despite this clearly being the advice of a misogynistic monster, people loved it; it was number one in the charts in the UK, the US and a load of other countries. Hit the jump below for a refresher:
The aforementioned Levi's ad: Getting it on in someone's toilet whilst they watch.
It's still better than a kitchen counter people.
Why am I talking about Shaggy? Well, in the main it was a failed attempt at creating a snappy title that led me to this point, but the more I think about it, the more I realise that Ant-Man, the subject of today's blog is kind-of-like-but-not-really like the Anti-Shaggy.
I should probably clarify that statement. I don't know a huge amount about Ant-Man, the subject of today's blog - I've read some of the comics in the past, seen the trailers and done a little research to fill in the gaps in-between. In fact, the only reason I'm even writing about the little dude at all is because I'm bang out of options with all my other blogs, hence the One-Shot. I haven't managed to hook up with my fellow RETRObituary collaborator, Mr Gilbert for our monthly retro gaming session; I'm yet to read the chosen comic books for this month's edition of The Gutter and haven't yet considered what facet of The ANA Project to reveal to you next. So when in doubt, write a One-Shot. A scratch Twitter Poll came up with this idea (Thanks to Mr B and others who offered ideas) and here we are.
There are of course parallels to Ant-Man's cinematic journey here. I wouldn't be writing this blog unless I was temporarily out of other options; a scenario that Marvel seem to have found themselves in with their blooming cinematic universe. Because of their decision to sell off the movie rights to some of their most recognisable characters in efforts to stave off bankruptcy a few decades ago, they now find themselves having to scratch around their lesser characters to develop the MCU. Although Ant-Man has been in development for a long, long time (since 2006 in fact) it's probably fair to say that it wouldn't have even been mooted if Marvel had some of their major hitters present and available. In the years since Ant-Man's development, their stable of characters has only strengthened with the rights to Spider-Man, Daredevil, The Punisher and Ghost Rider all finding their way back home to Marvel, each one with bigger name value than the little guy getting his own film. The window for Ant-Man to be made then was appropriately enough, a small one - and yet here we are, only a month or so from the movie's release.
It hasn't been a journey without hitches either. Like most fans I was bitterly disappointed to see the brilliantly-talented Edgar Wright depart the project. His irreverent approach to filmmaking was the aspect of Ant-Man that I was most looking forward to but sadly due to those ubiquitous 'creative differences' (they really are everywhere these days; creative differences to Marvel productions are akin to men deciding to grow beards - a phenomenon spiralling out of all control) we aren't going to see his original vision for the film. Post-Ultron, I don't have as much faith in Marvel shaking things up creatively as I used to either; there was a time when they could seemingly do no wrong: replacing fan-favourite Ed Norton with Mark Ruffalo to play The Hulk caused fan outrage but proved to be an inspired move; bringing in Don Cheadle to replace Terence Stamp as Rhodesy in the Iron Man movies also paid off and the more I watch Iron Man 3, the more I can see that replacing the helmer of the first two movies, Jon Favreu, (one of the MCU's progenitors) with new director Shane Black was a good move; Guardians of the Galaxy was a risky proposition from a creative standpoint, erring far from the Marvel tradition but it paid off both critically and commercially for the House of Ideas. Marvel's history of success with enforced creative changes is a bit patchier of late however. They lost any chance of getting Branagh to direct Thor 2 because of the onerous levels of creative control enforced by the studio; then they lost Patty Jenkins, their next choice; those pesky 'creative differences' cropped up again. When the film finally came out it was directed by Alan Taylor of Game of Thrones and well... it comfortably ranks as Marvel's worst film.
Avengers: Age of Ultron was the next most recent Marvel movie to suffer from issues of creative control. Director Joss Whedon is well documented in expressing his discontent with the final cut and it's plain to see that the film is hamstrung by the need to set up future franchises in the MCU rather than being free to tell its own story. And now of course we have Ant-Man, another Marvel movie whose journey from script to screen has been hampered with issues, seemingly about how to fit the film into Marvel's wider continuity.
But I digress. Ant-Man. The Anti-Shaggy. Allow me to explain. When it comes to Shaggy, people adored him irregardless of the pretty shitty behaviour he advocated in some of his songs. Ant-Man on the other hand, (or to be more accurate, the various people that have adopted the Ant-Man persona throughout the years) is a superhero, an advocate for good but in spite of his efforts tends to be generally be regarded as a total tool no matter how much he tries to act to the contrary.
See? No, neither do I really. Perhaps you should go check the latest trailer whilst I regroup.
Go on. You know you want to.
Back? Like that bit with Thomas the Tank Engine? So did I. Okay, maybe you'll see the point I was so lamely trying to make as we move through Ant-Man 101 in preparation for the July release of the film.
The character of Ant-Man has a long and storied history within Marvel comics. One of the founding members of The Avengers, Hank Pym was the original Ant-Man. A brilliantly gifted scientist created by Stan Lee back in Marvel's Silver-Age heyday, Pym developed Pym Particles, a subatomic serum that allowed him to control the size of his body mass. Although he would later name himself Giant-Man and super-size things, he initially used the particles to shrink to the size of an ant and become Marvel's most diminutive hero. Along with his assistant (and later wife) Janet Van Dyne who also used Pym Particles to become The Wasp, he joined up with Iron Man, Thor and Hulk to form Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Hulk of course lasted about three minutes before the Green Goliath totally lost his shit and smashed up a railroad racking up millions of dollars of property damage, presumably because they mooted the idea of him paying into some type of dental or health care plan that he couldn't afford. They sacked him, Captain America joined and the rest is history.
Apart from figuring out how Cap paid for the dental plan. After all, he would have been used to 1945 prices.
Hulk wasn't the only one who had to contend with issues stemming from interpersonal relationships. Hank Pym may have been a founding member of Earth's Mightiest Heroes but he also had some serious self-esteem issues. He wasn't the smartest on the team. That distinction goes to Iron Man. He wasn't the strongest. Erm, Hulk, remember? He wasn't the best-looking. Thor'd take that one. He wasn't even the only one that could shrink and make pals with insects. The Wasp could do that too. Poor Hank took it hard. He built Ultron to try and make his mark by protecting the world with an amazing robot and... well, you probably know how that turned out. He took on a few new identities to try and shake things up but it just ended up confusing everyone. Eventually, he resorted to taking out his frustrations on Jan and hitting her. This of course got him expelled from the group. See what I mean? Anti-Shaggy.
Apart from figuring out how Cap paid for the dental plan. After all, he would have been used to 1945 prices.
Hulk wasn't the only one who had to contend with issues stemming from interpersonal relationships. Hank Pym may have been a founding member of Earth's Mightiest Heroes but he also had some serious self-esteem issues. He wasn't the smartest on the team. That distinction goes to Iron Man. He wasn't the strongest. Erm, Hulk, remember? He wasn't the best-looking. Thor'd take that one. He wasn't even the only one that could shrink and make pals with insects. The Wasp could do that too. Poor Hank took it hard. He built Ultron to try and make his mark by protecting the world with an amazing robot and... well, you probably know how that turned out. He took on a few new identities to try and shake things up but it just ended up confusing everyone. Eventually, he resorted to taking out his frustrations on Jan and hitting her. This of course got him expelled from the group. See what I mean? Anti-Shaggy.
Some genius. What he should have realised way earlier was that his powers had... other applications.
Pym appears in the movie although he won't be donning the Ant-Man costume. Instead it appears that he'll play a mentor role to Paul Rudd's Scott Lang. Pym's played by Gordon 'Greed is Good' Gecko himself, Michael Douglas... so, you know, if they do decide to develop some of the character's more unlikeable aspects then he's certainly the guy to make that happen.
The next character to take up the Ant-Man mantle was Scott Lang and he is the character played by Paul Rudd that will be donning the tights in the upcoming film. Lang is seen by many as the definitive Ant-Man, in part because he's held the mantle for the longest and in part because over the years Hank Pym has adopted more personas than Madonna has adopted African children - so nobody really knows who he is anymore, Pym least of all.
Lang was also kind of like the Anti-Shaggy for a while too. Whilst he was a good guy, he just couldn't catch a break and resorted to a life of crime to make ends meet. When he inevitably got caught and was jailed, his wife divorced him - presumably because by then he was 'married' to Bull, his musclebound cellmate, also known as the Daddy of D Block. She also took their young daughter Cassie and by the time Scott got out he had no family, no prospects and a hefty bill for child support waiting for him. To some degree, it looks like the movie is going to follow the same route with references made in the trailer to Lang wanting to reform his character. When Cassie was diagnosed with a rare heart condition, Lang broke into Pym's lab to steal the Ant-Man suit; although it marked a return to a life of crime for Lang his intentions were pure: with the suit he was able to track down the one doctor in the world who was capable of curing her and who, in a very timely plot hook had conveniently gone missing. From there things took a predictably super-heroish turn. Pym, impressed by the young buck's chutzpah, officially passed over the Ant-Man mantle and when Iron Man's suit broke down with Tony Stark stuck inside, all it took was for Lang to climb right on in there with him to get things, erm... turned on before membership in The Avengers beckoned. That's right folks, The Avengers has a casting couch... and its name is Tony Stark.
As if we ever believed anything else.
Lang died during the events of Avengers Disassembled but comics being comics he was soon back to life and carrying merrily on. Perhaps the coolest possibility raised by the prospect of an integrated Marvel film and television universe is the tantalising proposition of a small screen appearance opposite Krysten Ritter in the upcoming Jessica Jones show due to air on Netflix later this year. Unless you really were underneath that rock I was talking about at the beginning of the blog you'll have watched Netflix's Daredevil by now and probably lay prostrate in worship at its amazingness. Jessica Jones is the next Marvel series on their slate and it's no small understatement to say that I have high hopes. The cast is stellar; the source material is superb and the odds are good (as long as the plot bears some resemblance to the original comic books) that we'll start to see some real links forged between the Netflix shows and various parts of the MCU. One of the links could come in the form of the on/off relationship between Lang and Jones that runs through Alias' plot. Whilst I don't recall Lang himself being central to the story (instead he serves the function of showing us how difficult it is for Jessica to have a 'normal' relationship) It'd be pretty cool to see Ritter and Rudd riffing together on screen. Both are fine actors who do comic turns well - plus this would be a simple way to link the cinematic and television universes without having to have a huge CG battle or remortgage the company to get a Downey cameo as Stark.
There have been others that have also carried on the Ant-Man tradition. Lang's daughter, Cassie eventually followed in her dad's tiny footsteps and became Stature, a member of the Young Avengers. This pint-sized super team was comprised of junior members of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, although when it came t the punch it turned out that Iron Lad wasn't a mini-Iron Man at all; in fact he was a younger version of Kang, The Avengers cosmic nemesis who had travelled back in time to change his future. Hulking, a mini... well, you probably know that one similarly had nothing to do with gamma-ray rage; he as it happens was actually a rogue skull prince or something. The only member of the team with bona fide links to the real Avengers was Cassie but she blew her comrades off during the events of Civil War when the Thor clone built by Reed Richards and Tony Stark killed Goliath until he was dead. (I've written about this before - scroll down to the Civil War blog for more...) She ditched the others members of the team because seeing Bill Foster getting toasted made her think twice about heroes fighting heroes so she joined Tony Star's Super Police to the incredulity of her compatriots. Does this ring a bell? Good person trying to do the right things and getting heat for it?
That's right.
Anti-Shaggy.
There was one more Ant-Man. Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman created The Iredeemable Ant-Man back in 2006; he was a total shit and I'm not going to go into anymore detail than that - in part because he disproves my Anti-Shaggy theory (but mainly because I want to go watch episode 9 of Game of Thrones) but he's dead now. Or this is comics so I should probably say he's dead for now.
So there you go. Ant-Man 101. Hope you dug it - see you on the other side.
With the ginger locks and sloping brow Lang's countenance is built for deviancy.
Lang was also kind of like the Anti-Shaggy for a while too. Whilst he was a good guy, he just couldn't catch a break and resorted to a life of crime to make ends meet. When he inevitably got caught and was jailed, his wife divorced him - presumably because by then he was 'married' to Bull, his musclebound cellmate, also known as the Daddy of D Block. She also took their young daughter Cassie and by the time Scott got out he had no family, no prospects and a hefty bill for child support waiting for him. To some degree, it looks like the movie is going to follow the same route with references made in the trailer to Lang wanting to reform his character. When Cassie was diagnosed with a rare heart condition, Lang broke into Pym's lab to steal the Ant-Man suit; although it marked a return to a life of crime for Lang his intentions were pure: with the suit he was able to track down the one doctor in the world who was capable of curing her and who, in a very timely plot hook had conveniently gone missing. From there things took a predictably super-heroish turn. Pym, impressed by the young buck's chutzpah, officially passed over the Ant-Man mantle and when Iron Man's suit broke down with Tony Stark stuck inside, all it took was for Lang to climb right on in there with him to get things, erm... turned on before membership in The Avengers beckoned. That's right folks, The Avengers has a casting couch... and its name is Tony Stark.
As if we ever believed anything else.
Sure they are Lang. Just a heterosexual foot massage between two red-blooded males.
Lang died during the events of Avengers Disassembled but comics being comics he was soon back to life and carrying merrily on. Perhaps the coolest possibility raised by the prospect of an integrated Marvel film and television universe is the tantalising proposition of a small screen appearance opposite Krysten Ritter in the upcoming Jessica Jones show due to air on Netflix later this year. Unless you really were underneath that rock I was talking about at the beginning of the blog you'll have watched Netflix's Daredevil by now and probably lay prostrate in worship at its amazingness. Jessica Jones is the next Marvel series on their slate and it's no small understatement to say that I have high hopes. The cast is stellar; the source material is superb and the odds are good (as long as the plot bears some resemblance to the original comic books) that we'll start to see some real links forged between the Netflix shows and various parts of the MCU. One of the links could come in the form of the on/off relationship between Lang and Jones that runs through Alias' plot. Whilst I don't recall Lang himself being central to the story (instead he serves the function of showing us how difficult it is for Jessica to have a 'normal' relationship) It'd be pretty cool to see Ritter and Rudd riffing together on screen. Both are fine actors who do comic turns well - plus this would be a simple way to link the cinematic and television universes without having to have a huge CG battle or remortgage the company to get a Downey cameo as Stark.
If you don't like comics - this will be the book that changes your mind.
There have been others that have also carried on the Ant-Man tradition. Lang's daughter, Cassie eventually followed in her dad's tiny footsteps and became Stature, a member of the Young Avengers. This pint-sized super team was comprised of junior members of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, although when it came t the punch it turned out that Iron Lad wasn't a mini-Iron Man at all; in fact he was a younger version of Kang, The Avengers cosmic nemesis who had travelled back in time to change his future. Hulking, a mini... well, you probably know that one similarly had nothing to do with gamma-ray rage; he as it happens was actually a rogue skull prince or something. The only member of the team with bona fide links to the real Avengers was Cassie but she blew her comrades off during the events of Civil War when the Thor clone built by Reed Richards and Tony Stark killed Goliath until he was dead. (I've written about this before - scroll down to the Civil War blog for more...) She ditched the others members of the team because seeing Bill Foster getting toasted made her think twice about heroes fighting heroes so she joined Tony Star's Super Police to the incredulity of her compatriots. Does this ring a bell? Good person trying to do the right things and getting heat for it?
That's right.
Anti-Shaggy.
There was one more Ant-Man. Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman created The Iredeemable Ant-Man back in 2006; he was a total shit and I'm not going to go into anymore detail than that - in part because he disproves my Anti-Shaggy theory (but mainly because I want to go watch episode 9 of Game of Thrones) but he's dead now. Or this is comics so I should probably say he's dead for now.
So there you go. Ant-Man 101. Hope you dug it - see you on the other side.
That's all from The Geek Beat this week folks. This has been a
Vertigo production.
Head back this way next week for the monthly RETRObituary with myself and Shaune Gilbert... or maybe an edition of The Gutter. Who knows?
Until then be sure to follow me @VertigoDC because Kowalski want Meat!!! Peace Out.
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